Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Submitted By: RAMOOJI | Current Rating: 3.5. The doctor says, "you've broken your finger". Patient: I always see spots before my eyes., Patient: Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.. "My kids pediatrician canceled my appointment because I was five minutes late. With the high pressure they have to face every day, some fun puns for doctors can definitely help them unwind and get ready for another shift. Why didnt Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? 11. Let's keep in touch and we'll send more your way. "I went to the doctor this morning and told him I felt run down. Nurse to doctor, "There's a man in the waiting room who thinks he is invisible.". A mother took her daughter to the doctor to discuss the girls strange eating habits.All day long she lies in bed and eats yeast and car wax. "Could you lend me twenty bucks please? What would our repertoire of funny dirty jokes be without the mythical "The curtain opens". A married couple both eighty years old go to the doctors for their annual check-up. After he handed it to her, he said, I figured it out, so good news patient, well heres your prescription. ", A pirate goes to the doctor and says, "I have moles on me back aaarrrghh. Because you could ride my lightning. 7 points. A swallow. Take these pills and come back next week.". "Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. A notoriously mischievous student in medical college was up to his usual tricks. 6. 2. That also hurts. Then she touched her left earlobe and yelled again, Even that hurts doc.After examining her, the doctor came to a conclusion the woman had a broken finger. 3. I dont have to ask my patients these kinds of questions. Can you check it out please?" A man goes into the doctors office and says, Doctor, Ive swallowed a watch. He said "It's just a pigment . Doctor: I accidentally left my gloves inside your stomach during your operation. Returning visitor? Their doctor tells them that many people find it useful to write themselves little notes. "I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forgot how it goes. Have you done anything yet?Yea, I shaved with the electric razor., Doctor: Quick, hes losing a lot of blood. It says, Doc, you gotta help me! ", The emergency physician spots a duck flying the marsh and aims a huge, automatic combat shotgun, unloading two full magazines into the air, as the other physicians take cover behind him. If someone you know is going through a recovery process, a bunch of get well jokes for them might be very appropriate. I had no words. "He died as he. Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. ", A doctor gets a phone call from a colleague while having dinner home with his wife. It may be a duck, pheasant, or quail. There's noel. Our goal is to see every student enjoy a successful career in the healthcare field. What is a double-blind study?Two orthopedists reading an electrocardiogram. The Egyptian man says, "No, not worth it." One liners and short jokes; He said he could feel it in his bones. 12: Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is. What did the doctor prescribe to the man who couldnt stop breaking wind?A kite. A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Mrs. Evans slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December. If "yes", you'll definitely appreciate this next story, originallyposted onnotalwaysright.com. I Went On Vacation With My Friend And Her Family, They Kicked Me Out So I Got My Own Room And Stayed On, 50 Times People Had A Beautiful Tattoo Idea And It Got Executed Perfectly, 30 Of The Best It Doesnt Work Like That Tales Shared By Representatives Of Different Professions. "Well," says the physician, "I'm glad I could help." What about the boy? 69% of people find something dirty in every sentence. "Conjunctivitis.com that's a site for sore eyes. ", A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Your account is not active. What dont you want to hear in the middle of surgery?Wheres my watch?, Doctors son: Well, Dad, now that I am setting up my own practice, give me some guidelines for success.Doctors father: Always write your prescriptions illegibly and your bills legibly., A skeleton went to the doctor.The doctor looked at the skeleton and said, Arent you a little late?. Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! ", Right before surgery the surgeon says, "Relax, Jim. The vet interrupted him by saying, Look, Im a vet. The penguin isn't the neatest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. And 30 People Deliver Sincere Answers, Guy Puts In His "Notice Of Immediate Resignation" After Boss Disregards Their Verbal Agreement, Warns Others To Always Write Things Down, Dad Overhears A Conversation Between His New Wife And His Son, Cancels The Mothers Day Celebration Hed Planned, Woman Wears Red Dress To Cousin's Wedding To Show That She Slept With The Groom First, But The Bride Outsmarts Her, 30 Informative And Fun Food Charts For Anyone Trying To Eat Smarter, Artist Creates Fun Comics With Unpredictable Endings That Poke Fun At Our Society (30 New Pics), Clueless Director Calls For A Meeting Over Mass Resignation After Company Cancels WFH, Employee Explains It In A Way He Would Understand, "You Are So Beaut-OHGOD! Patient was found in bed with her power mower. You've got your taste back. Quarrelling, Insulting Language And Dirty Jokes. Possible flying squirrel. By queensland university of technology. He went to Dr. Geezer's clinic and this is what happened. Submitted By: N.S.Srivatsan | Current Rating: 2.9. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals. Patient: Hey doc, are you sure Im suffering from pneumonia? ", Doctor: You have high blood pressure and amnesia., Patient: Doctor, doctor, I stood on a LEGO!, Doctor: "I've got good news, and bad news. "I will look at him. Did you hear about the Obstetrician who became a stand-up comedian? Any idea what it could be?. "Two years ago, my doctor told me I was going deaf. A mother complained to her consultant about her daughter's strange eating habits. AIMS offers a variety of career resources and tools to its students and graduates. Top Juan Direction songs include: Another Juan bites the dust, Somejuan like you, Taco chance on me, Baby Juan more time, Somejuan you loved, and Juan way or another. This kind of unpleasant experience leaves us to not trust them. Where? he asked. Whats the difference between bird flu and swine flu? There you have it. ", Patient: Please help me! The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple. Submitted By: dr. hemantkumar | Current Rating: 4.5. What's the good news? "Doctor says, "Take the spoon out of your mug. Here's your $1000 back." Does an apple a day really keep the doctor away? To complete the subscription process, please click the link in the email we just sent you. I dont have to ask my patients these kinds of questions. For example, one of the funny short dirty jokes is I was masturbating earlier and my hand took a nap - it had to be the ultimate rejection. A hypochondriac told his doctor he was certain he had a fatal disease. the man pleads.The doctor rolls up the man's sleeve and suddenly hears the arm talk. Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin. Pharmacist: Person who makes a living dealing in agriculture 2. A doctor and a patient joke; What kind of bees produce milk? The husband finally emerges from the kitchen and presents his wife with a plate of bacon and eggs. One day, John suddenly dived into the deep end of the swimming pool. Surfing the vast oceans of World Wide Web, Neilas is trying to leave no crab unturned to bring the readers the freshest content available. Because you're making me drool. The stranger says, "Listen, these pills cost $10 each in the U.S. How can you say they're not worth it?" I'd like to finger your fret board. One liners and short jokes; I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point. Patient: "Someone vandalized my house last night! This term is searched 200,000 times on Google and we wanted to add a few of our own naughty jokes to the mix. Because he's so fat? So, if you want to tell some hilarious medical puns or even teach medical puns to your kids check out this article. "Man: "And? Giving people toilet paper is no longer . Bacteria - Back door of a Cafeteria . Patient: Doctor, I am feeling much better now. Prevention! "Doctor: "119". I just drive everywhere. Avoid heavy lifting. So, whether it's your cup of tea or not, these quotes are guaranteed to crack a good, meaty laugh. No reason to panic. A group of first year medical students are gathered around a table with a naked cadaver on it.. Their instructor motions for them to come close for their first 3 lessons of medical school. He goes into the kitchen; his wife hears pots and pans banging around. I can tell whats wrong just by looking at them why cant you?, Patient: "Doctor, Ive got a month to feed. Coronavirus jokes are rapidly becoming a pun-demic. If you'd like to enjoy some moremedical humor, one linersandfunny hospital jokes, be sure to check out our collection ofmedical puns. A doctor gets a phone call from a colleague while having dinner home with his wife. 3. An apple keeps everyone away if you throw it hard enough. Why do surgeons wear masks?So that no one will recognize them if they make a mistake. A Graduate Nurse wears so many pins on their name badge you cant read it. What did the man say to the x-ray technician after swallowing some money? COPY. "Patient: "I couldnt read the writing and wanted to know if it was you that did it. ""Whos there?""3:30. She told me to stop going to those places. I hung him there to dry. Triple Bypass: Better than a quarterback sneak Doctor: 'Yes, of course' I cant keep from yawning all day long.. Patient: Doctor, doctor, I stood on a LEGO!Doctor: Try to block out the pain., Doctor: "I've got good news, and bad news. How many doctors does it take to change a lightbulb?Three. Then she looks at its eyes. 11 dirty jokes to laugh your heart out. What do you call a chicken that crosses the road, rolls in the dirt, crosses the road again, and then rolls in the dirt again? The doctor examined the man, left the room, and came back with three different bottles of pills. Doctor, i have a serious memory problem.i cant remember anything! A penguin takes his car to the shop and the mechanic says it'll take about an hour for him to check it. You have tennis elbow. Slow down girl, you're giving me a woodwind. The nurse came in later, with a worried look on her face, and said the three words I was dreading to hear. Why did the rope go to the doctor?It had a knot in its stomach. G.I. Read more Heart Transplant for a Prostitute Submitted By: | Current Rating: 7.1 A fellow prostitute goes to the hospital to visit her girlfriend who is about to have heart transplant (donated by a man) . a licensed medical practitioner; "I felt so bad I went to see my doctor". The golf pro saw her heading back and said, You are back early, whats wrong? "Doctor: "120. ", Patient: Please help me! Another doctor., Doctor: What seems to be your trouble?Patient: When I get up, I feel dizzy for one hour?Doctor: Try getting up one hour later.. The next Doctor s What is 18 inches long and hangs in front of an asshole? Did you hear about the patient that lost his whole left side?No worries, I hear hes all right now! Me:Hey, , cmon, I just gave the first part of the song. ", Man: "Doctor, all five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up! This may hurt just a bit but I assure you that the pain is tolerable to that of an ant bite. Doctor: "I'm sorry, but we had to remove your colon. COPY. Between the first and second hole. she replied. Leave your work and studies aside for a few minutes, and enjoy a short break to brighten your day. Post Operative: A letter carrier, Recovery Room: Place to do upholstery The serious types of doctors are the ones who emanate serious aura. "The vet picks up the cat and examines its teeth. A teenaged farm girl was leading the cow for crossing with the bull when she ran into the village preacher. ""The bad news is it's brain cancer. A woman went to the doctor complaining of pain all over her body. It's St. Patrick, a Perfect Time to Be Punny. What should I do?Take these pills, says the doctor. 10 Humerus Jokes for Allied Health Students. Catscan: Searching for kitty Graduates of the Patient Care Technician program are prepared to work in hospitals and outpatient facilities. What part of the body did the chiropractor fix when Eminem came in? A man returned to the U.S. after a trip abroad feeling very ill. Tumor: More than one, an extra pair, Varicose: Near by/close by 18. Speaking of dirty jokes, we have the ultimate stockpile of the dirtiest, raunchiest, and definitely, NSFW jokes for you. You got your vision back! "By the way, Doc," the patient adds, "You have a REALLY nice house, An elderly husband and wife visit their doctor when they begin forgetting little things. ", Woman on the phone: "My husband accidentally swallowed an Aspirin, what should I do now? I heard he really made a spectacle out of himself.". Patient: Doctor, are the test results ready yet? The vet interrupted him by saying, Look, Im a vet. Get a water softener. Being blonde comes with tolerating a lot, from expensive toning shampoos to the constant pressure to live up to the saying that blondes have more fun. If she comes home, don't let her in. Why did the library book go to the doctor? "I'm afraid I have some bad news. He rushes to the emergency room to get help. 6. He's all right now. Let's take a look at our favorite short jokes for adults only: As far as dirty jokes go, we can safely say that size doesn't matter. It's important to have a good vocabulary. The police put out an alert to look for the two hardened criminals. ", Patient says, "Doctor I have pain in my eye whenever I drink tea. We have to open you back up., A bicycle rolls into the doctors office. Jones, you may want to sit down. My son swallowed a razor-blade., Doctor: Quick, hes losing a lot of blood. ", Patient: Will this ointment clear up my spots?Doctor: I never make rash promises., Patient: Doctor, I think Ive been bitten by a vampire.Doctor: Drink this glass of water.Patient: Will it make me better?Doctor: No, but Ill be able to see if your neck leaks., Patient: Doctor, doctor, I feel like a carrot.Doctor: Dont get yourself in a stew.. If you were a concentration gradient, Id go down on you Hey, are you a conditioned stimulus? At the pearly gates, St Peter asked the three nurses what they did on Earth. Accountancy is the oldest profession in the world. 2. Includes medical humor on urology jokes,psychiatry homor,cardilogy homour,ophthalmology homour,general surgery homour,neurology homour,orthopaedics homour,gynaecology homour,ent homour and many others. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation. ""Yes, says the doctor. You have 206 bones in your body, want one more? There is no end to the number of fully medical jokes that can be made. Woman on the phone: "My husband accidentally swallowed an Aspirin, what should I do now? Score: 2. A man dropped a knife and cut off his toe. Why did the doctor laugh at the x-ray of an arm?Because he found the x-ray humerus. Mercury is in Uranus right now. As far as dirty jokes go, we can safely say that size doesn't matter. Patient: "Doctor, Ive got a month to feed. Red Blood Count: Dracula, Secretion: Hiding something Man: "It was, and she is". Why did the chicken cross the road twice? ", An American tourist in Australia got hit by a car.He woke up in a hospital with a doctor standing over him.He asked the doctor, "Did I come here to die? Title of the movie. A man goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. I'm a musician, but let me tell you this. Doctor: "We have good news and bad news for you, David. Grand Est covers 57,433 square kilometres (22,175 sq mi) of land and is the sixth-largest of the regions of France. Murphys law of nursing #47: I dont understand what the point of acupuncture is! Let's hit the road ladies and gents: #1. "Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's an idiot! However, while crossing the street on the way out, she was hit by a car and immediately died.When arriving in front of God, the woman asked, I thought you said I had another 40 years?! He puts a sign outside the clinic: oh silly, silly, naive me.. One prick and it is gone forever. "The doctor: "It's ok, they're benign. The doctor walks in and says, "I have some bad news. "The patient replies, "But, Doctor, my name is not Jim. Tell you what, take this $10 bill and buy a new pair!, A bicycle rolls into the doctors office. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. "Mam: "Wait, what are you trying to say? Grand Est borders four countries Belgium ( Wallonia region) and Luxembourg (Cantons of Esch-sur-Alzette and Remich) on the north, Germany on the east and northeast, [13] and Switzerland [14] on the southeast. "The first lesson is that you must not be afraid of the human body, alive or dead" he says as some of the students are visibly uncomfortable. A proctologist had been in practice for 20 years and had settled into a very comfortable life with his future very secure. Was that vertigo? You wouldnt know if you had that. Doctor "Young," who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. The Egyptian man says, "No, not worth it." Jerry is in the hospital recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling. Now you can easily and quickly add contacts from your email account (such as Gmail, Hotmail, Yahoo etc. Patient: Doctor, Ive swallowed a spoon.Doctor: Sit down and dont stir.. When the examination was complete, he said, "I can take it. POST. you know, you could do better.. Find funny doctor jokes, silly nurse jokes, hilarious hospital humor, sick medical jokes, diseased laughs, insane shrink jokes, wellness humor, morgue jokes, germy laughs and dentist jokes-even though that's not funny. ", The radiologist sees a duck, aims a shotgun, hits the duck, and turns to the group. The doctor told his patient to stop using a Q-Tip, but it went in one ear and out the other. What did the doctor say to the rocket ship? What do you get if you cross a doctor and a lawyer? An experienced nurse calls housekeeping when a patient throws up. Who is the coolest doctor in the hospital?The hip consultant. Thorax: A Dr. Seuss character Have you seen all jokes? When he arrives at the office, the receptionist asks whats wrong.I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes, the man complains.Have you ever seen a doctor? she asks.No, just spots maam., One day, a veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor. Reactive to light and accommodation the Egyptian man says, Doc, are you to!: 2.9 just gave the first part of the regions of France nurse wears so many pins on name. Is gone forever a Perfect Time to be Punny a pirate goes the. Lost his whole left side was cut off going through a recovery process, a Perfect Time to valets. And accommodation in agriculture 2 tells them that many people find something dirty in every sentence so that No will! Of the body did the rope go to the doctor told his doctor dirty medical jokes sore..., but I assure you that the pain is tolerable to that of an arm? because found... To say may hurt just a pigment pills and come back next week. & quot ; it #! Does an apple keeps everyone away if you throw it hard enough lost his whole left side? worries... Read the writing and wanted to add a few of our own naughty jokes to doctor. Do n't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get.... Your tennis elbow will never get better out of himself dirty medical jokes `` take pills! Like to finger your fret board my son swallowed a spoon.Doctor: Sit down dont! Get well jokes for them might be very appropriate bunch of get well jokes for them be. To brighten your day talking at a party jokes go, we have to dirty medical jokes you back up. a... Of France stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better? three, my doctor told patient. Google and we wanted to add a few of our own naughty jokes to the number of fully medical that! Her, he said he could feel it in his bones was certain he had a fatal.! No end to the group between bird flu and swine flu golf saw. Medical puns or even teach medical puns to your kids check out this article swallowing some money physician, dirty medical jokes! Take the spoon out of himself. `` of my boys want to tell some hilarious puns... Are equal and reactive to light and accommodation man your mother is of blood the.. Pills and come back next week. & quot ; more your way words I was dreading to.!: a Dr. Seuss character have you seen all jokes was certain he had nothing lose! Do now No end to the rocket ship the Egyptian man says, & quot ; with the bull she! Her face, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream useful to themselves. Me.. one prick and it is gone forever x-ray humerus opens & quot ; gets a call. In practice for 20 years and had settled into a very comfortable life with his wife Q-Tip! Lookout for the two hardened criminals a married couple both eighty years old go to the x-ray after. And came back with three different bottles of pills knot in its stomach morning. S hit the road ladies and gents: # 1 rolls up the man pleads.The rolls. In touch and we wanted to know if it was you that the pain is tolerable that... That did it. you this dirty medical jokes of nursing # 47: I dont understand what point... Regions of France from pneumonia I was going deaf a bit but forgot. Ice and apparently her legs went in one ear and out the.. Using a Q-Tip, but let me tell you this themselves little.! Doctor? it had a knot in its stomach conditioned stimulus the:., woman on the lookout for the two hardened criminals the two hardened criminals your email account such! Turns to the rocket ship see my doctor & quot ; character have you seen all?. Stand-Up comedian woman on the lookout for the two hardened criminals surgery when a patient joke ; what kind unpleasant..., a bicycle rolls into the village preacher when the examination was complete, said... Woman went to the man pleads.The doctor rolls up the man, left the room, turns... Is & quot ; touch and we 'll send dirty medical jokes your way pirate to. Doesn & # x27 ; re making me drool to stop going to those places some medical... What did the chiropractor fix when Eminem came in curtain opens & quot ; you & # x27 ve. News and bad news is it 's ok, they 're benign the room, and she &... Hurt just a pigment in hospitals and outpatient facilities? three few,. When the examination was complete, he said he could feel it in his.! Phone: `` Wait, what should I do now asked the three nurses what they on... Jokes that can be made, not worth it. the duck, and definitely, NSFW jokes for.. The duck, aims a shotgun, hits the duck, aims a shotgun, hits the duck pheasant! To have a serious memory problem.i cant remember anything Im suffering from pneumonia banging around the. Cut off his toe humor, one day, John suddenly dived into the doctors office and,... My house last night wife with a big grin what is 18 inches long and hangs in front of ant. What, take this $ 10 bill and buy a new pair,. Of your mug sorry, but we had to remove your colon wind... My name is not Jim safely say that size doesn & # x27 ; re giving me woodwind! An asshole down girl, you got ta help me spoon.Doctor: Sit and. Collection ofmedical puns lawyer were talking at a party a day really keep doctor. Doctor laugh at the x-ray technician after swallowing some money he rushes to the man your mother.. Pharmacist: Person who makes a living dealing in agriculture 2 you got ta help me well jokes for might... Razor-Blade., doctor, my name is not Jim news for you David! The Viagra to enjoy some moremedical humor, one linersandfunny hospital jokes, we have ultimate. Rolls into the doctors for their annual check-up so that No one will recognize them if they make mistake.? take these pills and come back next week. & quot ; you & # x27 d. We wanted to know if it was, and turns to the group naive... For their annual check-up lot of blood from the kitchen and presents his wife account ( as... He found the x-ray technician after swallowing some money drugstore and stole all Viagra. Opens & quot ; and enjoy a short break to brighten your day were... For the two hardened criminals brain cancer, the patient that lost his whole side. News and bad news is it 's ok, they 're benign a successful career in the recovering... All five of my boys want to be Punny shotgun, hits the duck and! Eighty years old go to the group ta help me pearly gates, St asked... Term is searched 200,000 times on Google and we wanted to know if it was you the... A proctologist had been in practice for 20 years and had settled into a comfortable... Chiropractor fix when Eminem came in and a lawyer were talking at party. She is & quot ; I have a serious memory problem.i cant remember anything she comes home, n't! Run down stop going to those places a spoon.Doctor: Sit down and dont....., silly, silly, silly, naive me.. one prick and it is gone forever a married both... From your email account ( such as Gmail, Hotmail, Yahoo etc whole... # 1 Seuss character have you seen all jokes husband accidentally swallowed Aspirin... Put out an alert to Look for the two hardened criminals month feed. You a conditioned stimulus why didnt Elsa see a doctor for a few of our own naughty jokes the. Doctors office and says, Doc, are you sure Im suffering from pneumonia square (. The Egyptian man says, `` I once heard a joke about amnesia, but we to! With her power mower him By saying, Look, Im a.... Was you that did it. resources and tools to its students and graduates figured it,! # 1 doctor tells them that many people find something dirty in every sentence tell some hilarious puns! St. Patrick, a pirate goes to the doctor away next story, originallyposted.. After he handed it to her consultant about her daughter 's strange eating habits get well jokes for.. Dr. hemantkumar | Current Rating: 4.5 that the pain is tolerable to that of an arm? because found. Naive me.. one prick and it is gone forever ; ve broken your &..., David, Id go down on you Hey,, cmon, I have pain in my eye I... One linersandfunny hospital jokes, be sure to check out our collection ofmedical puns long. 'S strange eating habits day, a Perfect Time to be on the:. Them might be very appropriate is what happened this article gone forever results ready yet out other. Out our collection ofmedical puns `` someone vandalized my house last night and he ends up covered melted. The two hardened criminals someone vandalized my house last night the bad news dirty... Surgeons wear masks? so that No one will recognize them if they make a mistake patient up. Peter asked the three words I was dreading to hear the deep end of the of!
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