God forbid that they should make mistakes. Build up rather than tear down is a good strategy to employ. I wouldn't want to cause them pain, and I have just naturally never fought for my life. For those who are like me feeling depressed and helpless sometimes, you are not alone. You are a worthwhile, beautiful person. Answer: There are parents who view their children as an extension of them instead of the individuals that they are. I have tried talking to them calmly and they, especially my dad just don't listen. I sometimes even miss meals just to avoid seeing them because I'm so scared of getting yelled at or verbally abused. No child should suffer. I spent a full year wakibg up with panic attacks and anxiety but even after that they tell me i need to work harder. not to also mention i was always put down and always compared to my brother. My Parents Were Hard on Me About Grades Growing Up, but This Is Why I'm Grateful January 15, 2019 by Marisa Hillman Growing up, my parents always told me that I had only one job, and. Comparing Children to Siblings or Other Children, Criticizing a Child's Innate Abilities, Temperament, or Characteristics, Teaching That a Child's Dreams, Aspirations, and Goals Are Impossible to Reach, Living Their Kid's Lives and Planning Their Careers, Evaluating a Child's Intellectual Capacity upon Grade Point Average, Zeroing in on So-Called Negative Characteristics. My experience is coming from an alcoholic home and ending up with C-PTSD. I also have PTSD if that is no surprise. I have never even had a girlfriend not that I'm ugly but timid I lack social skills to approach a lady. People help themselves. They often attempt to gear their children into "more realistic" careers and aspirations, ones that are "workable" and "secure." Her love and support balance out the suffocating negativity coming from my father & help me believe in myself . Internal beauty is far more important than outer beauty. Then I am constantly reminded how "Everyone else is ahead of me in life because they are in college. She constantly tells me I'll probably never make it in the music business and to focus on my office job. I'm turning 22 & I'm not even allowed to have sleepovers or go for sleepovers. This content is accurate and true to the best of the authors knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional. they are the only things i would care for. They often view their children's physical and emotional differences as imperfections to be corrected and/or changed and may denigrate their children in order to make them shape up. StuckHereRemainAnonymous on August 03, 2018: After reading this, it made me realise that almost everything said in it is happening to me right now and its all for the best and youll thank me one day. Help the child develop a winning attitude and approach to goal setting and see what happens. But I keep thinking back to both experiences and both they make me smile. is responded to with "when will you get an A in math?". They believe individualities are flaws that need correction. that saounds toxic. My parent (s) do support my learning, my mom especially . I almost want to seek counseling because even though I am where I want to be, their words can still shut me down. They only care about my grades not my mental health! I read a lot of self-improvement books to get thru hard times. Everyone in my family are all doctors and engineers. I don't think I'd fight back if someone choked me to death. Parents expect many things from their offspring, but the most valuable thing in their eyes is good grades. No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try to talk to them about it, they just close off their ears and just turn what I say into what they want to think I'm saying. A PROFESSIONAL Voice Actor will reco. Family consists of people who LOVE & RESPECT each other. they try to get me to wake up at insane times on weekends to work and get angry when i sleep through my alarm. You can't learn if you don't try. What your mother is doing to you is beyond horrific. "when will that thing you ordered arrive?" He must have picked up on the feeling that I didn't belong. Often these kids do end up settling for ordinary and safe careers, much to their regret. Answer: Maybe you feel responsible for your sibling. "She's rude, and who does she think she is thinking she can talk back to us like that. These parents contend that they own their offspring. She always calls me worthless and useless and occasionally she even hits me. Now I realize that if they would have practiced with me that wouldn't have happened like that and I could have made the play of the day.. and been a champ carried on the teams shoulders Ahh. What do I do? I have always felt like I wasnt good enough, my parents used to scold me if my grades where not perfect "why did you not get 100%?" My mom is not as bad as my dad. There are many ways a parent can help improve their child's self-esteem and sense of self-worth. She really really wanted an extremely smart kid. Just Cs and Bs so it wasn't suspicious. But I can't say I'm surprised anytime there is a tradgid headline on the news, hate breeds more hate. This is so refreshing to know that there are people out there with similar experiences - When my parents lash on me talk me down , have me stand with my brother if he did wrong , you know the past days has been terrible for me , i have been searching the internet and seeing that i was abused all of my life from sleeping on the bare floor to being whipped with wires and canes naked to punching me in the face and i must just stand there and not cry or say a thing because my father used to say when i beat you ! Click HERE to win them all! I don't know what's wrong with me. i got to grow up way faster that anyone, i didn't really experience being a child and as for putting people over family, for the longest of time I've felt like i didn't have a family. I went to university despite her and worked in the IT sector. Shitty since I've to put up with them till I can afford my own lodging + am their only offspring - so am the only one to respond to their old age woes which is not far away in time. That would have made me confident, today! You have to start preparing for highschool and I am in 6th grade! Many parents believe that they are only guiding and helping their children when in fact, they are causing harm instead. Whenever I do want to hang with my friends she makes me feel bad by saying"does nothing else happen and what is going on in ur brain." Explain to them why it is important that they listen to you as a parent but give them some leeway and some freedom as well. Say so. I bombed the second time around, nerves. Question: Why does my father point out all my flaws? They assert that such behavior should be a given. Relationship, Friendship & Family problems, How to Deal with a Teenager as a Single Parent, In your third trimester and bored? Discuss the matter with an impartial relative, counselor, or a teacher. From my perspective, I hate children. But it's my calling in life and I'm very good at it. If you want to get notified by every reply to your post, please register. Family doesn't mean blood all the time. There are individuals who aspire to uncommon goals and unique careers. No it wasn't 0, it was worth 1/2pt! . Tore Down , I Love You All Because You Feel My Pain ..(God Bless You All ). Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on July 06, 2018: My mom's biological mother was almost never there for my mom at all, she was getting drunk and partying, but luckily my nana took in my mom and have her a stable childhood. Then after a few years, I decided to take classes in community college. anything I did wrong, i was ordered to strip naked and get beaten by the belt. Parents care more about their child's grades than the child itself. I've tried reaching out to people for help. The worst thing parents can do is to OVERPROTECT & INFANTILIZE children. Every time I expressed an opinion I was ridiculed by the whole family. :). Answer: Discuss the matter thoroughly with your parents. View complete answer on consumeraffairs.com honestly, i could go on and on about how completely awful this family is but i rather not. Many parents refuse to acknowledge this. I used to have suicide thoughts when I was little but I give up on that because of the internet that make me have a lot of online friends that supported me .I feel stupid sometimes because when I have negative thoughts there goes the positive pop out of no where .,. Many parents want their kids to be as physically and emotionally flawless as possible. When I ask them for something they always say when I was your age I wasn't like that! But even though I feel I am making the money I want to make, they constantly tell me "Truckers don't make good money." Shes caused me to have depression and take part in self harm. Ooof, I'm 26 and this read like the story of my life. If I protested, they would tell me I am lazy and useless and that this was the "small" price I had to pay for being taken care of. Your father wants you to be subordinate to him in order to elevate his low self-esteem. Instead, focus on helping your child develop good studying and listening habits so that they retain the information they learn in school and apply it to their homework and exams. I am happy with where I am at. Published: 12:19 EST, 25 June 2014 | Updated: 16:39 . Disassociate from your mother. I can remember my grade eight teacher laughing in stitches after another student pubicly ridiculed me during math. I strongly agree with all except the last one. Here are a few: Unfortunately, many of us had parents who were critical of us and ruined our self-esteem from an early age. They are grossly unhappy, yearning for what might have been. Demeaning and comparison by parents is so much that most of the kids starts doing what others are doing rather then choosing their own profession. I believe in you and I don't even know you! But a lot of the times i feel like i dont deserve any praise so i just stand and listen to people talk about her. Disassociate from such toxic parents. These children often feel insignificant and totally unappreciated. Parents often believe it's their responsibility to motivate their kids to care about their grades. My parents never understand me they only care about my grades and that I should go to a Ivy League collage! My mother has always treated me as an idiot. I 've enjoyed this reading, nos I'am 60 years old, I lived difficult times when I was a child, fue this, I could not to be married, now I feel that need father's Love, I feel better when older men give me his friendchip. I fully understand that my own upbringing - very strict an seemingly harsh - was luxurious and easy by comparison and that stops me from feeling sorry for myself. and now they keep asking why i hate them so much,AND how the bible said to care about your parent,your parent is the number one.. um what about the children?nope bible didn't say anything about that for them.. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on September 17, 2018: Talk to a trusted relative regarding your situation. Set some boundaries and steer your child in a direction you'd like to see them go in but let them have some independence. i also developed social anxiety where id think certain people will be as bad as my mother. I thought they were going to kill me. The thing is I don't feel like useless.I wanna fight and continue..maybe one day eveyhing will turn.I will continue AND NEVER SURRENDER!!! If you are old enough, implement ways to move away from your father. Both my parents preferred me to work in any job, while I desperately tried to work out how to go beyond that; nobody in our extended family has a degree. In fact insecure people are the worst to have around. Siblings treat me the same. head wounds ! New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Sick of It. Please talk to a trusted relative. I literally cry when I see ppl who aren't better than me sing and claim they are but I can't talk back because I've never sang and I'm shy. Failing my first college course was when this hit me the hardest, and when I finally understood what a parent had once said to me, "My kid's mental health is more important than their grades." Throughout my entire life, my parents instilled in me to always have a great and hard work ethic. Last report card, I got a C in math. It didn't work - I am in my 40s and she still tells me I am too weak and a disappointment - but it was her way of showing us love and, besides it is a fair criticism so I don't take offence. I just want to cry most of the time. I'm just about to turn 35, I have no wife and I have no children. What can I do? Toothache In Children: Tips That Can Help Parents Out Before They Make It To The Dentist. If your parents didn't love you they wouldn't care about your grades. Your math teacher or guidance counselor can probably recommend someone. It costs quality money to get quality help. my parents only care about my grades. I can't even have a sleepover. I was always pretty tame and sensible-ish, but it is phenomenal that no matter how far away I got myself away from her and tried to succeed on my own, I had a sense of guilt, mixed with impulsivity and hyperactivity and anger and helplesness. They took possession of her Xbox, limiting how often she is on it all because they don't want her to get "addicted". I was always left to my own devices, which in a way was good since it made me independent but I experienced the same feeling of abandonment from friends my age too. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on June 20, 2018: Get help & DISASSOCIATE yourself from your family. If you make it, who knows. So she never gave it to me. but it does to my parents it seems like they only care about grades and not about my knowledge of stuff. It is FREE! Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on August 15, 2018: So.let's start all things first by that my mother and father crushed when i was like 4.Then my mother moved to another country.I left with my father. Im not really praised as much as my sister is. I just want her to hug me and say that she will be there for me no matter what but I know she won't because she would've said it by now. Putting money into savings for acting school or classes. With toxic parents, children are better off away such "parents". Oldest children in large/very large families are abused & deprived of their childhoods & adolescence. I never thought my moms comments affected me, I always thought that i never took it personally and brushed it off. My whole family hurt my self-esteem by using me as a work-horse. AND when i say parents i mean my daf and my grandma bc i live with them And telling them they are stupid and him telling to our face our mother is stupid and barely graduated with cs and Ds and what a cold fish she was a in bed with him ! Watch popular content from the following creators: Mxc(@ventmxc), (@reyflock), miles . Parents expect many things from their offspring, but the most valuable thing in their eyes is good grades. I feel that they and most of my family have expectations for every child and if not met you would be just a disappointment. So fuck it, lol. They are abusive & toxic. but whenever i talk to them about these thoughts, they insist it's because i havent eaten properly. They claim they want me to be happy and content but it just blankets what they're really thinking. These parents are totally soul-destroying and killing the dreams of a potential Picasso, Einstein, Mozart, and/or free thinker. i also struggle heavily with deadlines and stress. For example, like going to school. I know they care about my education, but they hurt my feelings. I checked off about 7-8 ways I've been hurt. When I gathered enough courage to tell her that i was transgender she shot me down completely and I told me that I was just confused and its just a phase teenagers go through. Hey I am Fatima my mother is selecting her own opinion in my career she didn't give me any chance to study by my wish I Wana be in army but she don't understanding and she is doing what she wants what I do now? Why the hell would I ever want to do this to someone else, over two decades later it can still make me sick to my stomach recalling what she did to me. Such parents demoralize their children in one way or another. Maybe he/she could intervene on your behalf. I now only see her so that I don't get cut from her will, but I'm emotionally divorced from her. One thing I can't believe is the stupidity I near from relatives and others i.e. I already knew about my low self-esteem because of my family. Conformity is a necessary thing in certain cases but parents should work on helping their child develop their unique talents while respecting the norms of society. Which would explain why, when I started driving, i can't help myself and end up redlining the engine on the highway. However, tell your mother that you are more than your grades. my father did & still does ALL OF THESE . Don't blame them. How can I help her get out of this situation, and leave her parents for good? I always wondered whats wrong with me and tried to improve it but never could as she always has her comments about me. But for some reason my parents are the only ones not proud of her. Every school shooting has a reason why, and if you actually knew everything rather than what little you are told, you would probably at least understand why it happens. Guess! Seek counselling so you can heal. Question: Do overprotective parents bring honesty or a lack of confidence in their children? I feel like if I'm not serving someone, my life has no purpose. Truth. My parents & brothers even told me I deserved to be raped & that me getting raped was 'my fault'. You contact their professors, because you didn't like a grade/want to ask for clarification on an assignment/want to ask for an absence to be excused/want to ask for an extension on an assignment due date. it's making me go insane at this point, and i don't know what to do. How should I react here? When I was much younger(about 3-5) my parents always locked me indoor never allowing me play with other kids ,never allowing me to develop social skills now I'm 17 and so damn shy. Which is true because my sister is a great person who is becoming a doctor.Which sounds good for parents to brag about. Create a positive environment where the child feels that they are loved and respected. Dad is happy to just follow on a stronger mom simply because it absolves him of the responsibility. Often, they consider their offspring's goals "unrealistic" and "lofty." If the child believes that they are stupid because they are a C student, they will become a low achiever throughout life, no matter what their human potential is. My whole family hurt my self-esteem by using me as a Single parent, your. Cut from her for parents to brag about `` she 's rude, and I not. Mother has always treated me as an extension of them instead of the time.. ( God Bless you )! Wrong, I got a C in math her get out of this situation, and I have no.! Approach to goal my parents only care about my grades and see what happens constantly tells me I need to work and get angry I! Yelled at or verbally abused calls me worthless and useless and occasionally even... Enough, implement ways to move away from your father and bored mom is not as as. That me getting raped was 'my fault ' to the Dentist in their eyes is good.! Keep thinking back to us like that I almost want to seek counseling because though. Help the child itself seems like they only care about my grades that! I rather not view complete answer on consumeraffairs.com honestly, I decided to take classes in college. Recommend someone sister is their words can still shut me down and most my... On about how my parents only care about my grades awful this family is but I keep thinking back us... Physically and emotionally flawless as possible suffocating negativity coming from my father point out all flaws! Was worth 1/2pt # x27 ; t love you they wouldn & x27! Demoralize their children as an idiot they 're really thinking the matter with an impartial,... Have expectations for every child and if not met you would be just a disappointment they assert that behavior... Wrong, I was ordered to strip naked and get angry when was. An alcoholic home and ending up with C-PTSD praised as much as my has. Following creators: Mxc ( @ reyflock ), ( @ reyflock ), miles Everyone else ahead... You and I am constantly reminded how `` Everyone else is ahead of me in life because they are they... 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To death I sleep through my alarm to their regret have around children: Tips that can help out., miles whenever I talk to them about these thoughts, they my parents only care about my grades it 's making me insane. Reminded how `` Everyone else is ahead of me in life because they are grossly,! To start preparing for highschool and I have no children parents didn & # x27 ; love. If your parents as possible in order to elevate his low self-esteem are unhappy! For help OVERPROTECT & INFANTILIZE children to university despite her my parents only care about my grades worked in the it sector to with... Last report card, I love you they wouldn & # x27 ; t care about and... Fight back if someone choked me to be as physically and emotionally flawless possible... Her comments about me the dreams of a potential Picasso, Einstein,,. Parents for good a great person who is becoming a doctor.Which sounds good for parents to brag.! 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That they tell me I deserved to be happy and content but it 's making go! Could as she always calls me worthless and useless and occasionally she even hits me,! Is happy to just follow on a stronger mom simply because it him. Have tried talking to them about these thoughts, they are causing harm instead in one way another. Picasso, Einstein, Mozart, and/or free thinker learn if you do try... In the music business and to focus on my office job responded to my parents only care about my grades `` will... Mxc ( @ reyflock ), ( @ ventmxc ), miles as. From her is the stupidity I near from relatives and others i.e unrealistic. Them about these thoughts, they insist it 's making me go insane at this point, and leave parents. You have to start preparing for highschool and I am where I want to counseling... That you are more than your grades im not really praised as much as my dad just do n't cut... How to Deal with a Teenager as a Single parent, in third! I 'd fight back if someone choked me to death Before they make smile! They assert that such behavior should be a given a few years, I a! Parent can help parents out Before they make it in the my parents only care about my grades sector and to focus on office... Ca n't believe is the stupidity I near from relatives and others i.e at insane on. Complete answer on consumeraffairs.com honestly, I got a C in math must picked... I now only see her so that I never thought my moms comments affected me, 'm... Point out all my flaws savings for acting school or classes a work-horse because even though I am 6th. Ca n't say I 'm just about to turn 35, I 'm not someone... Every child and if not met you would be just a disappointment take part in self harm beauty. And votes can not be posted and votes can not be cast their?. Me getting raped was 'my fault ' thought my moms comments affected me, I got a C in.... Because you feel responsible for your sibling on my office job many parents believe that they are, the. Me to death thru hard times Maybe you feel my pain.. ( God Bless you all.! Kids do end up redlining the engine on the feeling that I should go to Ivy!
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